The Ticking is Getting Louder

On Thursday, I'll be 20 weeks pregnant--half way there for most pregnancies. So while that's a big milestone, it's also a scary one for me. That's about the earliest they say pre-E symptoms start (which is what I had with PB). So while I've been thinking this pregnancy has been going so differently/better than my last, maybe it really hasn't. See, I don't remember when all of that started with him. It felt like I was swollen forever, but six weeks feels like a long time and perhaps it was only six weeks that I was experiencing all those symptoms before I was hospitalized at 26 weeks (and he came via emergency c-section a week later). But I just don't remember. Yet another reason I kick myself for not keeping a journal--our at least a more frequent blog!

So far, no swelling. So far, I'm feeling good and my blood pressure is good, so I'm trying to focus on those. But the ticking in my head keeps getting louder and louder. And I want to just enjoy this pregnancy--I want to start on the nursery, I want to buy GIRL clothese, but my fear is holding me back. I really don't want to have to deal with all of those things if something should go horribly wrong again.

I'm asked all the time,"isn't it just a first time pregnancy disease?" or told "Oh your chances of getting it again are so low." but belive me, I've done my research and then some, and my odds of getting it again are between 30-60 percent--and frankly I don't like those odds at all. So now, it's just watch and wait and keep up with all of my doctors' appointments.

We had some friends over this afternoon for swimming and dinner. In addition to a boy PB's age, they have a little girl who's 1 1/2. While she's adorable and I love her, my lord she's a lot of work, and makes me realize just how much baby-proofing we have to do in this house. Pool fence, child locks, gates, not to mention buying ALL the baby gear that I just gave way earlier this year when we moved!!! Of course, that's how it happens. And if all goes well, then oh well, I'm happy to do it all again. And this time it can all be PINK!